...

I haven't blogged in ages, blah blah I'm not gunna say sorry no one reads this shit anyway,
I just need to write.
I'm really fucked off actually, I've come to realise I've lost all my friends from school, like my friends, the close ones that invite me places etc.
This results in me not being invited, which means all I do is sit at home and get annoyed at him for being invited, and going out without so much and thinking to tell me.
Especially with EVERYTHING at the moment,
it's just such bollocks.
shit bitch cunt wanker.
I'm in such a stressed mood that I can't even be bothered to write anymore when it was all I wanted to do 5 minutes ago.
fuck it.
he can go fuck himself. I'm off.

Again.

So I keep having these outbursts where I feel I need to write, so, Imma start blogging again...

I'm so incredible stuffed inside of illness. I seem to NEVER be well, There comes a point when people look at you and think- this girl is constantly moaning and attention seeking. It annoys me alot. However, I suppose I do understand where their coming from, I would do the same.
I'm in serious need of some new clothes, I say this a lot then dont bother to save to buy anything decent I wither it away on random things I dont need and cinema and town trips with friends, which I always enjoy but, I reeeally do need to start thinking about my wardrobe.
I've now realised sometimes life puts you in unfortunate confusing situations, and I think it might be to test how you handle them. It's become apparent that I, handle these... badly.
I'm currently the glue to my family. I'm holding them all together, and due to certain members of my family not appreciating this, its putting extreme pressure on everyone. I thought being the strong one would be easy, I thought, I'm good with this, I can give advice, I can keep calm and collected. How. Wrong. Was. I? It's TOO hard, and although I know that my family would completely understand this. I refuse to give in and tell them.
I'm only 16 and I find myself feeling like some situations are the end of the world. People make me FEEL like situations are the end of the world.
I feel sometimes like you can't truly trust anyone, once someone betrays my trust once, I loose all confidence in them.
I want to have a clone of myself in someone else's body, So I can give myself my own advice, And I know that I won't tell anyone. That's my problem, I advice other people, but I don't use that advice myself.

Today I literally blobbed on the sofa, spoke to the doctor, apparently I have flu of the bird kind. :( !!!!!
I might not be accepted back into college.. As I have been off for 7 weeks with Kidney Stones and Laryngitis.. And they don't think I'll be able to catch up on the work even though I'm determined. But how annoying, what on EARTH am I supposed to do if they don't take me back, with a bit of luck they can advice me on the best steps to take I REALLY don't want to go to totton.
I suppose that's all I'll write today.
Promise to write everyday.
New Years Resolution?

partypartypartyparty ♥

well last night was fucking amusing. what i can remember of it anyway.
We started off at Hannah's having a laugh and what have you...
got signed out of school- got our prom tickets :)
so now have officially left school- WOOP!
So, at Hannah's i had a 2L bottle of strongbow (my man's drink)
downed like a litre of it- felt fine...
topped it up..
stuck it in my little bag and started walking to deadman's...
so i've got this huge bottle of strongbow hanging out my bag and we get to tesco express and everyone is looking at it...
I didn't get it taken off me...
luckily, there weren't any police ;)
got to deadmans eventually and there was like no one there-
except will best was just led in his own puke ALREADY!
I was like wtf- it's like 7 o' clock and you've already chundered...
then people started turning up and i got wankered.
don't remember much else except walking home with a cone on my head-
then Corey took it away and put it ontop of the sargeants van in DP.... :(
woke up this morning with a swollen knee, a headache, a stomach that felt like I'd done about 400 situps and a LOAD of texts on my phone that i dont recall sending..
but after hearing the stories today i hear i had a brilliant night :L
apart from i do remember a copper shining a fucking flashlight in my face... :/
so we got back to Hannah's and i crashed...
now tonight i'm going to rest my head before the party at hannah's tomorrow night :)
Byesiess xxx

well.

even though i feel like a piece of shit today-
I'm feeling happy :)
i hate fathers day, and how ironic was it that i was to argue with my dad today.
hmmmm,
I'm loving quite a few songs at the moment-
Hey, soul sister
Dancing on my own
Airplanes
Kickstarts
that is all.
Today made me wish i could rewind a year...
There are soo many things I would do differently
sooooo different.
i'd like bernards watch actually.
raaaaaaaaaaaah.
i've been in bed all day today.
I really should go out tomorrow :)
okay. this was weird. bye x

wooooo... ? ^o)

mood-downfall

so the past couple of days have been crazy. Eyeopening really, but my mood has gone from happy to confused to sad to angry and then kind of back to the old charlie, none of the above emotions, just plain old me. First things first someone popped at me, i guess i was just being me, pushy or whatever but all i was trying to do is be there for someone, because i never feel like there is anyone there for me, and i hate it. So i thought if i make sure he knows i'm there it'll take away the initial feeling of selfishness for me. Because i load my problems on him. but boy was i wrong that was the worst thing to do because now we're not talking. So that made me kind of upset because i really enjoyed talking to him. But i guess there isn't anything i can do now. Then the same day literally an hour after this i found out that three close family members are critically ill, this made me think that lives to short to give your everything to one person just enjoy yourself and make everyday count. Now i've got all week of exams ahead of me, shit. I'm so ill prepared its unbeliable. I got really angry yesterday because i was informed of some things that my dad has done in the past, not good things. It made me really angry with him but i guess its in the past, i forgive easily unless its something really bad. And i'm not finding it easy to forgive him. Anyway on a brigter note i guess- i'm being a model for a prom photo shoot today then i've been asked to be a model for a fashion show on thursday so that should take my mind off all this crap. Went to get another piercing yesterday and gave up after 4 shops and 5 hours but the mother got a tattoo for her birthday so shes happy. Thats all i guess xx

...

i'm so bored, my life is boring. I want something interesting to happen, something i can get exited about. :/ too much to ask? Thought so...One thing that sticks out to me in my whole life is that, because it belongs to me and you know i'm my own person in my body, why can't i change my feelings and things? Takes the piss. Okay thats all because i'm on my phone. I can't sleep i'm just led in bed listening to music thinking about everything so my mind is too busy to sleep. great. :( xxx