Okay..

Christmas is over..
How sad..
I feel so fat now though..
And judging by the looks of the scales, I need to hit the gym.
And even though it's new years soon, I don't have a resolution just a motto 'live everyday as if it's your last' kinda old now I know but I am determined to stick to it.
I have a theory too..
I'm not going to listen to what everyone else tells me..
I'm going to make my own decisions.
I asked my mum what the 'princess' thingy was and she said ans I quote;
It's when a girl can talk to a boy and everything wrong in her life she forgets about, and all that is on her mind is him, He makes every thing feel better and she is completely focussed on him. And that is the only thing she is thinking about at that time and everyone else can- oh damn, I forgot about that film tonight- umm where was I, oh yeah no one else matters at that time, because at that time she is a princess, and to her, he is EVERYTHING right then.

Oh mum- that's a masterpiece people will be taking quotes from you yet :)
I had a good day today, apart from being bullied about stuff by my Auntie. Who loves winding me up.
I have decided on a holiday- I would love to go to New York, just to see all the pretty lights, I would imagine New York as a lovely place to go. Thinking about it, I would love someone to propose to me in somewhere like New York, just us when no one else is there. At night when it's dark, and there's pretty lights everywhere. And I would hate him to propose in front of my family (N) Just in case I needed to say no. :S
Anyway-
I was watching a video thing on the computer today at my nan's about a girl who got cancer at 14 and was told she would die 3 weeks after her 16th birthday, and she had to go into hospital as soon as she got really ill, But she didn't tell anyone at school because she thought they would treat her different, anyway apparently she wasn't very popular at school and because she didn't tell anyone about the cancer they continued to bully her. after a while she needed serious treatment so she needed to have 4 weeks off from everything completely isolated, her family could only look at her through a glass window.
But there was a boy at school who she really liked but he was quite popular, and they did talk on the computer but he would never talk at school or face-to-face. Only one time she saw him walk past the window of her hospital room and he looked in. and smiled. That completely made her day. Then he came past everyday and sometimes stayed there just looking in smiling for ages. Even though she was completely bold and was hooked up to all sorts of machines he still smiled.
And after the 4 weeks he came in and spoke to her and told her his mum was ill a couple of rooms down. And he knew she liked him, and he liked her, but never wanted to tell his mates because he was ashamed, now he isn't, would she like to be his girlfriend?
She accepted but told him that she had a short life expectancy, and he said he didn't care, he said;
I want to make every day of your life happy, be it 10 days, or 10 years, I want all of my thoughts to be filled with you, and yours to be filled with me, I want you to love me, I need you to love me. We will be inseparable forever, You are my soul.
They got together and she came out of hospital 6 days later. His mum sadly past away. And she is now 18 has a full head of hair and is cancer free. They have moved in together.
Ahh well after explaining the whole story here comes the reason.
Even though a boy may seem like a jerk to begin with, maybe he's not. But then it makes me think what if there really sweet to begin with and then become jerks.
So, yeah, what if you risk everything for someone, and then there pricks, I have been with a few myself actually.
Not that I want to go into it but one seemed like the perfect guy. He sent me cute emails and texts and he gave me sweet things and then he broke my heart. And I gave everything to him. I done anything for him. And he destroyed me, and now I have no trust in boys at all. I am sooo wary I won't go near a boy. I have to know completely.. everything. And I may seem like you know whatever but, it's so hard to come to terms with moving on. Accepting that not all boys are the same. But at the same time having in your head that maybe and you know there are. Other boys are like that- and I'm going to end up with a bad one.
This has been a pretty shite blog but you know, I wanted to write it down :)
Anyway Toodles. Oh and Shmeeb to one of you :) xxx